Saitama vs Goku! My version!
by I am SuperWhoLock
Summary: Who wins?


Once upon a time…

Some people were having a very important conversation on a very popular internet forum. The title of the discussion was "Who wins? Saitama or Goku? Discuss."

The whole thread was filled with very complex and utterly fascinating theories about the "true" power level of Goku and Saitama…There were lots of charts and Deviantart drawings that were used by the debaters in order to prove their respective point of view.

Among one of the responses there was the following text:

" _Hey Goku:_

 _If you are reading this, I just want to let you know I am far stronger than you, motherfucker._

 _I also knocked up your wife so now I am going to marry her to take care of her child because I am not an irresponsible absentee father like you._

 _Yeah, that's right motherfucker: Your wife is my wife now and I am going to be the new father of your kids. I am the father of Gohan and Goten now, and I am also going to have another kid…With your wife, and I am not afraid to confess this on a public internet forum because I know I am stronger than you so I can kick your ass easily!"_

And this message was signed by…

Saitama!

Everyone on the forum was shocked and appalled by that text and it soon became a meme in certain Internet circles.

Some people even said: "Wow, I can't believe Chichi is going to leave Goku for Saitama! He must be a terrible husband!"

A few days later, once Chichi went to a cybercafé (She did not have Internet on her house) she discovered about the news and said: "What the fuck is this? I never slept with a bald dude named Saitama! And he is not going to be the new father of my kids! Who is spreading these disgusting, slanderous lies?"

In order to do some damage control, Chichi decided to inform his husband about the whole situation, but Goku wasn't on earth during these days: He was in another planet, training with some god or something…

So she had to wait for a couple of months before Goku returned to earth: During that time Chichi had to tolerate a lot of lame jokes and Internet memes done at their expense. Gohan and Goten were bullied by the Saitama fanboys too.

"Saitama is stronger than your dad and also knocked up your mom, lol! Goku is a cuck now, lol!"

Bulma advised Gohan and Goten to turn a deaf ear to those foolish comments made by the Saitama fanboys and told them a story about she used to be cyberbullied some years when she left Yamcha to marry Vegeta.

"Just ignore those knuckleheads and everything will be ok." She said.

A few months later, Goku returned earth to pick some stuff from his house. He was ready to leave earth again in order to continue with his training but then Chichi showed him a screen shoot of the message supposedly left by Saitama on one Internet forum some months ago.

While Goku did not care very much about the part of the message concerning Saitama knocking up Chichi and marrying her, he took offense about Saitama saying he was stronger than him so the Saiyan decided to kick the ass of that bald motherfucker.

"Who is this Saitama? I am going to kick his ass!" Goku said, and Gohan and Goten showed him the Wikipedia page about Saitama the legendary One Punch Man and also they showed him a Deviantart drawing made by a Saitama fanboy that portrayed Goku being defeated by the bald dude.

"Goku!" exclaimed Chichi angrily. "You need to defend my honor! Go and kick the ass of the motherfucker! Make him pay for his mean and defamatory Internet comments!"

"Okay Chichi…" replied Goku. "By the way, you are not expecting the baby of this bald motherfucker, right?"

"Of course not, you fucking dipshit! Do you think I'm Bulma or Maron?"

"Oh, thank goodness!" Goku sighed with relief. "I think two kids are more than enough in this house…"

"Fucking hell, Goku, stop wasting time and go kick Saitama's ass! Do it for my honor, you lazybones!"

Goku nodded and then he teleported to Saitama's house to fight against him.

Meanwhile, Saitama was watching a Disney channel show while wearing a Jacob Sartorius T-shirt.

"Man, I love watching this shit all fucking day." He thought. "Disney Channel is the best fucking thing ever. Fuck, I wish I got my own Disney Channel show. That would kick ass."

Suddenly, Saitama heard a knock at the door.

"Hmmm… I wonder who's knocking at my door… I'm not expecting any visitor today…"

Saitama asked himself, before opening the door of his house.

"Hello Saitama." Said Goku. "I'm Goku. I heard you said on an internet forum that you were stronger than me, so I'm here to kick your ass. Oh, and you also said you knocked up my wife, so I have to kill you for doing that…"

"That's absurd." Saitama replied. "I don't even know your wife. In fact, I never slept with any woman during my lifetime, because I'm gay."

"Whaaaaat? No fucking way." Goku replied.

"Yes, is true." Saitama replied. "I'm gay, but unlike Captain America, nobody made a campaign on Twitter to find me a boyfriend. And that's bullshit!"

"Okay, but if you did not sleep with my wife, then why do you wrote all those mean things on that Internet forum some months ago?" Goku asked, as he showed his iPhone with the screen shoot of the message supposedly left by Saitama on one Internet forum some months ago.

"I did not write any of that shit…" Saitama said. "I never visit those kinds of Internet forums anyway…"

"Then who wrote that message?"

"It must be one of my most extreme fanboys." Saitama sighed. "A small yet vocal part of my fandom tend to be annoyingly radical, always pitting me against every other character in existence, being often rude towards the fans of other shows, and I personally do not support such kind of behavior, but whatever! You know how radical some nerds could be…"

"Yeah! Nerds are the worst! " Goku replied. "My older son is a nerd and I can't stand him! Gosh! He sucks so much, always studying and wanting to be a responsible father and husband! I bet he is even going to drop his training to become a productive member of society instead of fighting aliens in another dimension!"

"Huh…You seem a little bit angry, Goku…" Saitama replied. "You wanna come in and play some videogames? I also have some tasty snacks…"

"Well, I don't give a shit about videogames, but how can I refuse any offer of free food?" said Goku with a silly grin on his face.

Saitama and Goku spent the whole afternoon together, doing plenty of stuff together, like watching movies or playing board games.

"Saitama, you are such a cool dude…" Goku said. "I'm glad to be your friend. Kicking your ass would have been a horrible mistake…"

"Thanks Goku! I think you are very cool too. "I wish I had met you many years ago before I meet my ex-boyfriend Kenshiro… I mean, Kenshiro was hot, but he could be such a jerk sometimes…"

Suddenly the phone started ringing and Saitama answered the call…It was Kenshiro at the phone! He sounded very sad and depressed.

"Please Saitama, come back with me, I can't live without you…"

"Sorry Kenshiro, but I am not going to come back with you. You had your chance and you blew it, being a jealous asshole! Goodbye!"

"Saitama please, don't hang up! I know I made mistakes in the past, but I can change…I will change for you, babe…"

"You promised me you will change many times before…And you broke my heart every time! Goodbye!"

"No, please don't hang up!" begged Kenshiro, but Saitama hanged up the phone anyway.

"Wow dude that was kinda harsh…" Goku said. "The other guy sounded desperate…"

"Oh, just ignore him!" Saitama replied. "He is such a drama queen. But I won't allow him to break my heart again…Never again…"

Saitama seemed a little bit sad, so Goku felt a little bit worried.

"Dude, are you ok?" Goku asked, putting his hand on the shoulder of his bald new friend.

"I'm fine, thank you…" Saitama replied. "Is just that…"

But before Saitama could finish that last sentence, Goku kissed him passionately in the mouth.

"Goku…What are you doing?" Saitama replied. "We can't do this! You are a married man!"

"Do you want me to stop?" Goku asked, and Saitama blushed as Goku started grabbing his butt.

"I…"

Saitama didn't know what to answer. On one side, he realized he had an intense desire to sleep with Goku. But on the other side…

"What about your wife? What about your kids?" the bald hero asked, barely being able to contain his imminent erection. "Goku, I don't wanna be a homewrecker…"

"What they don't know won't hurt them…" answered Goku as he kissed Saitama on his neck. "I will only stop if you tell me stop…"

"I…I…"

"Do you want me to stop?" asked Goku as he put his right hand under Saitama's shirt, and started caressing his bare chest.

"Goku…You are not playing fair…"

"Do you want me to stop, Saitama?" asked Goku again, as his hand reached Saitama's underwear.

"No… Please don't stop…" Saitama begged, as Goku started to caress his dick and balls.

Then, the saiyan removed Saitama's underwear, exposing his dick and balls, and started licking them with a lustful expression on his face.

"What are we doing? We barely know each other!" Saitama commented as Goku licked his ball and dick. "There is now way this could end well…"

"Well, we will never know if we don't try…" Goku replied, before he continued licking Saitama's penis as it was ice cream, and then the saiyan started sucking it with delight, while Saitama blushed, moaning with pleasure.

Once Goku was done sucking Saitama's penis, he then introduced each one of his fingers into the anus orifice of his bad friend, making a transparent liquid to start emerging from that flesh hole.

Then Goku pulled down his pants and underwear, revealing his big furry Saiyan cock he proceeded to introduce inside Saitama's ass several times.

"Oh, yes! YES!" Saitama screamed out of his lungs as Goku penetrated him. "This is so fucking good! Please don't stop!"

The penetration of Saitama's anal cavity lasted at least five minutes and it concluded with a rain of semen and urine being sprayed all over the floor of the living room where the two heroes were having sex.

They both felt overwhelmed with pleasure and relief and then Goku said:

"This is the best fucking sex I ever had in my life. It was so fucking great I actually wish I was married with you instead of Chichi…"

"I enjoyed this too…A lot…You are definitely a much better lover than Kenshiro…But Goku…You are married man and you have two kids…We…we can't simply try to pull a Brokeback Mountain situation here…There will be consequences for our acts, and innocent could get hurt…"

"I never watched that movie so I have no idea of what are you talking about, but…We need to keep doing this stuff… at least once per month. My cock needs this…My cock need your anus more than you could ever imagine, Saitama…"

"Oh Goku, after this afternoon, your cock will be always welcomed inside of me, but keep in mind we are adults and the heroes of our respective worlds. We…We can't act like a pair of horny teenagers…Remember our responsibilities…"

"I guess you are right…" Goku replied, with a sad expression on his face. "Fucking responsibilities, always fucking people's lives…"

"Yeah, I know…" Saitama replied. "Such a shame we can't be together…"

"Hey, I have an idea…" Goku said. "I think we should solve this problem in the Dragonball way…And by the Dragonball way I mean we should gather the Dragon Balls together, and ask the dragon Shenron to make other people to forget about us…"

"Your plan sounds crazy and stupid but since I got nothing better to do with my time, I guess we could try to do that!"

Goku and Saitama worked together to find the seven dragon balls, gathering them in a very short time.

Using the dragon balls, Goku and Saitama summoned the magical dragon Shenron and asked him to make the other people from their respective worlds to forget about them.

Freed of their responsibilities, Goku and Saitama went to live to a distant and peaceful planet, were they were able to continue fucking each other for the rest of their lives, enjoying a happy and fulfilling existence.

So yeah, they basically ran away from their respective responsibilities, but let's not pretend we wouldn't do the same if we had a similar opportunity to escape from the burdens of our everyday lives without any major consequence, dear readers.


End file.
